we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
