The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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