Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
