Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
