Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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