it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
