Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
