I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
