i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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