hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
