how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
