SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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