Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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