You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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