Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Farmville is her only friend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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