I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
