how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
