I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
