Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
