Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
