I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize