Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
