Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
