dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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