Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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