well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
