this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
