i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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