1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize