At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
