My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
