we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
where are my eyebrows?
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