well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize