i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
