When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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