I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
