he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I believe in your delicious
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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