dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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