look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh god it's open bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
