Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
