thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
