yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
