I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
