Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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