It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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