If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
