people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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