im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
