All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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