In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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