Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
