Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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