But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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