omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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