I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
