I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
