I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
