Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
