The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
