Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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