so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
