I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
